What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
