please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
