I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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