i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
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