There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize