So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
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Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
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Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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