drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
