I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
