They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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