i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
