??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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