My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I want her autograph on my taint
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
