I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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