So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
