Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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