something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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