so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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