i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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