Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
