I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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