Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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