marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
