Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
