Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I am puke
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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