why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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