There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Do vagina's smell?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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