he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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