Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
