Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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