Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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