Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
