you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
