I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
