just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
