She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
