Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
