my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
