But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
