Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
