Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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