dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
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I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
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The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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