She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
