Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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