Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
