Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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