I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
