I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
