im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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