it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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