You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
