Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
