I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
