Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
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he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
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Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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