Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just sucked dick on a ferry
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
