apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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