When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
How's work?
Spinning.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
