last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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