Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
