I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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