I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Can I color on your dick again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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