Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
