I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
