i will never coherently bang her
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
