EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
