Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
