They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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