Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
