Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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