I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
