So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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