her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
