Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
