weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
